Woke Physio brings novel exercise prescription system to market

Trendy Millennial Physio, Shae Sowoke has found time between fortnightly $80 beard trims and tight jeans shopping to develop a groundbreaking new clinical reasoning system for the prescription of exercise for Physiotherapy Patients.

The innovative system has been described by its proponents as the ‘next logical step’ in patient care as accumulating evidence continues to cast doubt over the veracity of the clinical reasoning processes underpinning a range of conventional exercise prescription paradigms.

“There’s a famous quote by some famous guy who said ‘simplicity lies on the far side of complexity’… Well, my exercise prescription system is the embodiment of that quote,” said Mr Sowoke. “We had to change something. Even Blind Freddie could see that we just couldn’t keep persisting with these unfalsifiable biomedical systems. I mean, given all we know about the full spectrum of biopsychosocial factors that can influence a Patient’s response to an intervention, how likely is it that we can prescribe a specific exercise to therapeutically tweak imaginary constructs like fascial trains, regional interdependence or segmental motor control?”

Mr Sowoke further explained that while it’s relatively easy, at least in principle, to do away with these indefensible clinical reasoning paradigms, replacing them with a practical framework that thoroughly embraces the depth and breadth of a genuine biopsychosocial understanding of the therapeutic encounter is no small task.

“The challenge we have is to develop a reasoning system that avoids all the pitfalls and confirmation biases that have been thrust upon us by our useless University training. The bottom line is that we simply can’t afford to keep promulgating these inaccurate exercise beliefs among our Patient populations.

And I determined that the best way to achieve that end with certainty is to remove all clinical reasoning from the exercise selection process. So I developed my system. It’s basically one big online catalogue of exercises linked to a random number generator. To prescribe an exercise program, you simply select the number of exercises you’d like to prescribe and hit the “FFB” button (freedom from bias), and hey presto! You’ve got yourself a therapeutic exercise program that is totally devoid of potentially unhelpful clinical reasoning”.