Study Finds Upright Sitting Is As Useless As It Is Uncomfortable

A study commissioned by the Royal Society For Doing Things Sensibly has found that sitting bolt upright as if one has a carrot inserted in one’s rectum is neither useful or comfortable. There have long existed voices of doubt with respect to the degree of comfort associated with upright sitting, with one source citing that it’s “fucken hard sit up tall at a desk all day like some sort of 1920s boarding school student”. But those voices have always been drowned out by a vocal majority preaching the puritanical virtue of “good posture”, which is most prominently on display during the highly observable task of sitting.

“Sitting tall with one’s shoulders retracted, one’s thoracic spine extended and one’s tummy drawn in is a sign of discipline and therefore a sign of good health, explained Barbara Rigid DC, a Chiropractor who was possibly channelling the spirit of Rose Dewitt Bukater’s Mother in her interview with our reporter. “Those who slouch while sitting, look terrible, and are therefore revealing themselves to be part of a lazy, undisciplined underclass that deserve every disc herniation that arises from their weak constitutions. We have never claimed that upright sitting is easy. But life isn’t about being comfortable, life is about appearing healthy, no matter the cost”.