Revealed: Link between Corona Virus and demand for toilet paper

For some weeks Researchers have been puzzling over the apparently inexplicable demand for toilet paper that the Corona Virus pandemic has sparked. But the wait is finally over. The Good Health Tribune spoke with esteemed Professor Desmond Pottypoopoo, of Kleenex State University, who has spent years observing and studying the links between public health crises and population bowel habits.

“Well it’s quite simply really. A pandemic health crisis may affect the bowel movements of the wider public in two ways. You may recall that during the Ebola virus outbreak we did not see this panic purchasing of toilet paper. That was because the Ebola virus scared people shitless… Hence, there was no population increase in demand for toilet paper.

The Corona Virus on the other hand, has sparked a huge demand for toilet paper because rather than scaring people shitless, it has scared the shit out of everyone. It’s a subtle, but crucial distinction”.