Intervention Planned For Out Of Control Pelvis

Concerned family members and friends of an out of control pelvis have taken the difficult decision to set up an intervention. Our reporter was fortunate enough to speak with the Pelvis’ good friend and neighbour, Brian.

“There’s no point sugar coating it… He is right on the edge” said Brian, “He is totally out of control- counter nutating this way and that, tilting wildly into the early hours every weekend. I’m really scared that his next bend might be his last. I mean, I don’t get me wrong, I love a cheeky upslip as much as the next bloke, but shit… he is just all over the place”.

Our reporter asked Brian about the urgency surrounding Mr Pelvis’ control issues, specifically, he enquired about the long term risks Mr Pelvis was exposing himself too should his unstable behaviour continue unabated.

“Are you kidding me? It’s a big list pal. We’re talking cumulative microtrauma that can’t be attributed to non traumatic pelvic instability because we can’t measure it to begin with. We’re talking static postural assessments that differ from imaginary norms. Not to mention all the pain problems that might arise that we would retroactively attribute to his freewheeling, and frankly. self destructive approach to functional movement control. I just wish he could pull himself together, you know. There’s a lot of living left in those SIJs of his. I just want make sure he doesn’t totally fall apart”.

We understand that Mr Pelvis’ friend and family have engaged the services of learned Clinicians to manage the long and arduous process of reigning in the wayward Pelvis.