Patient Fears For Life Following Red Flag Screening

A Patient in a marginally reputable Chiropractic clinic is fearing for his life following an initial consultation with serial T-crosser and I-dotter, Blake Thrifty DC.

Transcripts from the consultation obtained by The Good Health Tribune under freedom of infotainment laws provide an insight into the nature of the clinical encounter.

“Hmm, so you have a sore neck and back… Have you been experiencing any numbness in your saddle region? You know… the type that would lead you to suspect you’re one back bend away from severing your spinal cord and becoming a paraplegic? No? That’s good. You definitely don’t want that or you’d be fucked haha. What about headache or difficulty using your cranial nerves? Because either of those could mean you have a brain tumour. Not ideal. Oh you have had some dizziness? Hmm interesting. And what about difficulty swallowing while emptying your bladder? Any trouble there?”

From all reports Dr Thrifty was content with the outcome of the consultation, noting that “one can never be too thorough in ruling out sinister pathologies masquerading as relatively benign musculoskeletal complaints”.

The Patient tended to agree, gratefully reporting that “I thought it was just a bit of stiff neck but fuck me sideways… from what I can gather there’s a fair chance I’ve got a degenerative cancerous DVT in my cranial nerve! I’m off to the xray place next week to get myself scanned from top to bottom!”