Confirmed: Poo Massage More Smelly Than Effective

A clinical trial involving the use of faeces as a massage medium has revealed some uninteresting and predictable results. Researchers found that the use of poo as a substitute for regular massage cream did not substantially improve treatment efficacy. However, they did observe a marked increase in the degree of an objectionable fragrance within the confines of the test facility, as measured by the laboratory maintenance man, Marty “Macca” McMahon.

“Struth! This place stinks like the backend of farken donkey with bali belly!! Is that bloody Kevin testing out is poo massage theory again? Would someone tell that bloke that no one wants to be massaged with a cake of shit! Fuck me, what will these dropkicks think of next to over complicate a bloody massage!”

Mote details to follow.