Never Olympian Patient Receives Olympian Level Treatment
44 year old Financial Planner and Never-Olympian, Chip Chadley, has reportedly been thrilled to make acquaintance with 44 year old Physio and Never-Olympian, Chad Chipley. Mr Chadley’s and Mr Chipley’s paths crossed at a recent convention for the Royal Society For First World Problems’ (RSFWP), a nationally renowned safe space for the aristocracy to meet and procure non-essential goods and services with as many redundant bells and whistles as possible. Mr Chadley was happy to offer our reporter some insights into the high end Physiotherapy services he has received from Mr Chipley since making his acquaintance, provided it was done so away from the peering lens of the hapless underclass.
“Well, we just hit it off straight away” explained Mr Chadley, “We were browsing in the advanced triathlon accessories wing of the convention, having both just purchased the newest carbon fibre Ralph Lauren polo shirt… and as happenstance would have it we both reached for the last pair of GPS enabled, drag resistant speedos on the rack! We shared a laugh and as it turns out, we’re both elite athletes. You see, I was the local district 100m sprint champion from u/14-16 from ’91-’93… And Chad tells me he was headed for a gold in Sydney 2000 but tragically rolled his ankle taking out the wheelie bins back in ‘99”.
When our reporter asked how Mr Chipley’s Physiotherapy services stood out from the rest, he replied “Look, I know the average loser could probably get by with any garden variety Physio, but the thing is, I know my body inside out. My problems are unique and I need a physio who understands exactly how special I am and exactly how much money I’m willing to spend to prove it to anyone else who will listen… And Chad is exactly that Physio”.
Mr Chadley seemed certain that it weren’t for his demanding career, age and history of never performing at an elite level, he would still be performing at an elite level.
“Chad understands that life can get in the way and limit my focus on my sports performance. I can’t always perform like pro these days, but that hasn’t stopped Chad from prescribing me the same hamstring program as Tommy Turbo. We’re measuring all sorts of scientific data each session. I don’t really understand much of it but it sounds fucken cool and at $400 per session, I just can’t wait for my next session”.
