Local Physio Knocks It Out Of The Park
Local Physio Christian Chi-Squared was recently spotted trotting down main street with a spring in his step, reportedly feeling chipper about a recent consultation with a patient. “It went perfectly, explained Mr Chi-Squared. “The patient had had a few months of stubborn back pain and I followed guideline care to the letter”.
“First, I made sure everything I was doing was patient centred. I responded to the individual context of the patient by employing effective communication and using a shared decision-making processes to help him realise that immediate pain relief was not one of our shared goals. I then screened him for red flags and relevant psychosocial factors after which I was able to assure him that there was nothing serious going on and that he was crazy- haha.
Next, I assured him there was no reason to carry out any imaging investigations such as x-rays, and after doing a physical assessment, I was able to assure him that none of the findings revealed anything alarming and that all he really needed to do was move more frequently and not worry that his pain is a reflection of any concerning structural pathology.”
At this point, our reporter asked how the patient was responding at this point in the consultation.
“You know it’s funny I can’t recall to tell the truth”, said Mr Chi-Squared. “I was on such a roll… but I don’t doubt that the patient was super impressed by my adherence to the internationally accepted clinical guidelines for non-pathological back pain.
Anyways, next I helped him understand the natural history of the type of pain he had been putting up with. We took some baseline measures for us to compare against in the future… We will come back to these once he had had a few weeks to practice my movement ideas and some prescribed exercises. We agreed that he didn’t need to come back to the clinic to follow up. Rather, I would use my own free time to email or chat with him on the phone, and then maybe set up a zoom meeting to assess his movement. I think it goes without saying that my patient was pleased to be able to help reduce the burden of societal healthcare costs by only attending one appointment and then having me do the rest of the work pro bono. I know I feel good about minimising the scurge of profiteering in heathcare.”
“And the best part was that I did all of that without any form of manual therapy… that’s probably what I’m most proud of. I can’t wait to share this with my online buddies. I may even get a like from Adam Meakins… that would give me an instant boner.
Intrigued by Mr Chi-Squared experiences, our reporter managed to track down the patient to corroborate the events of the consultation.
“Yeah, na… it was alright… he didn’t really do much… fuck all really. Seemed a nice enough fella but holy dooley I reckon the bloke could talk underwater… bloody Mr Have-a-chat alright. Yeah so anyways it was mostly a waste of my time. He just showed me a few things to practice at home. But I already knew how to do them exercises from when I was googling about back pain last week. And geez he must’ve told me dozen times that my back pain isn’t serious. I was like, shit mate, I know it’s not serious, if I thought it was fucken serious I wouldn’t come to the physio. I just wanted to get some bloody relief mate. But he kept bangin on about how massaging won’t do me any good in the long run. So anyways, I ended up leaving the place in the same pain I had walking in. It’s a good thing he said I didn’t need to come back because I wouldn’t have fucken gone back there anyway haha!”
