Report: Local Lazy Bastard Put To Shame By Deadlifting Granny

It has been confirmed that a local lazy bastard has been shown up by a lean, mean, octogenarian deadlifting machine. The 37 year old lazy bastard, who is rumoured to prefer the comfort of his couch and 5 hour bouts of MarioKart over any form of exercise apart from biceps curls, was found wanting on a biannual trip to the gym. A witness to the embarrassing event told our reporter that the lazy bastard, having completed a set of half arsed assisted chin ups, was seen strutting about near the squat rack, seemingly psyching himself up for a big lift when he observed the fighting fit Granny throwing a loaded barbell around like it was a flimsy garden rake.

“When he saw the old duck doing her thing, he suddenly started grabbing at his shoulder, haha”, said the witness. “Next thing you know he’s headed for the exit!” Rather than jump to conclusions about the motivation for the lazy bastard’s hasty exit, our reporter found it prudent to look further into the lazy bastard’s background to uncover possible antecedents of the observed lazy bastard behaviour.

“Oh yeah I hear what you’re saying,” said a close friend of the lazy bastard. “I totally get that given all the political correctness going around, we should consider that maybe he only gets to the gym twice per year because some underlying psychosocial barriers have culminated in his lazy bastard behaviour. But trust me, I’ve known him since we were kids. He doesn’t have a self-esteem issue… He is just a proper lazy bastard.