The Good Health Tribune

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Suction Parasites Prove Fire Resistant

A Woman has failed in an attempt to have a set of suction parasites burned off her back. The woman, who for some weeks had been suffering from a case of niggly neck pain, was beset upon by the suction parasites in characteristically neat rows of four, leaving her $100 poorer and in serious risk of sporting a mean set of suspicious looking hickeys. Despite brave attempts to burn the parasites and free the woman, the parasites could not be dislodged, and the woman was forced to face life for the next few hours with a marginal degree of pain relief and confusion about both her back pain problem and her new found knowledge of the existence of fire resistant suction parasites.