Physiotherapist and self described dropper of knowledge bombs, Fonzy Figjam, 25, has made the decision to shift the focus of his career toward the mentoring of new graduates.

“There’s not much left for me to learn as far as day to day management of my own caseload is concerned. It’s time for me to pass on my wisdom. You see, I’ve seen a lot of trends come and go over my 24 month career and I’ve got a tremendous sense for where my own university training was lacking. And I have an even better sense for the direction in which the profession needs to go. It’s obvious that it’s up to my generation of clinicians to stand up and let it be known that we are the ones that need to take charge.

We are the ones who have read enough one-sided Physio blogs to know that we are best positioned to lead our profession. We are the ones who interminably share self-congratulatory and bias confirming content among ourselves. We are the ones pushing back against all the wack job clinicians and dinosaurs who lack our uniquely advanced insight. We are the ones who have considered the depth and breadth of relevant research and distilled it into the one truly correct clinical reasoning and treatment framework. We are the ones who know that if your conclusions differ from ours, you are either stupid, misguided or a charlatan.

What’s more, we are the ones who have done it in style. We are the ones who are smart enough to make witty jokes about P-values and odds ratios, but also trendy enough to discuss them over an obscure lager in a wanky artisan beerhouse. Turns out we are not just the smartest Physios, we’re the coolest too”.

Our reporter listened politely to Mr Figjam’s comments before asking where he thought universities were failing Physiotherapy graduates and what he thought would be the best direction for the profession to take.

“I’m glad you asked bro. The first thing we gotta do is cut these useless uni Professors and old fart Practitioners out of the loop. There’s no point waiting on the Professors or Clinical Educators with their decades of knowledge to guide the way. They don’t see things clearly like we do. They’re far too caught up in efforts to deliver a balanced and nuanced curriculum to realise that we’ve already got it sorted. Who has time for a nuance or graded integration of new information into curricula? I’ll take an uncompromising, binary perspective on all matters of debate any day of the week… Preferably in the form of a slogan that fits neatly on a t-shirt. That’s what our new grads need to hear”.