A Physiotherapist from the Northern Peninsula has reportedly got only one patient left to treat for the year. In just under four hours, Benny McGrommett, a committed private practice physio by day, and a keen surfer by morning, evening, weekends and any other time he can swing it, will be “pissing off up to Byron in the ‘85 Tarago” with Macca, Splodge and Sammy Bonzai for a week of beachside camping and surfing.

With a bounce in his step, Benny ushered in his final patient for the year. “Ok I’m sure this last patient won’t be too tricky, given that it’s 4pm on Dec 23rd” he said to himself. “Probably a niggly neck that needs sorting out before a long car trip or something”.

It wouldn’t be long before the spring Benny’s step would disappear like air escaping from a slowly deflating balloon making fart noises. The clock on the wall would soon read 5pm, and Benny would still be fighting to find a way to commence meaningful components of his subjective interview with the very talkative and totally unflappable grandmother to four grandchildren named Roxy, Stevie, Jayde and Jack, who were all her daughter Chrissy’s kids, although one of them, Stevie, is a step grandson as Chrissy’s partner, Carlos had previously been married and had children.

Benny also learned that Chrissy’s other siblings, Jenny and Jane haven’t had kids but she held hope they might find the right people one day but who knows as it’s really hard to find a partner and it’s not like it used to be in the old days although the young ones don’t know any different do you darling… it’s all just go go go, social media here, zoom meetings there, uber sex this and Google maps that. You know I’ll tell you something Benjamin- in my day….

“Oh fuck me sideways this impossible… I’m going to be here all night”, thought Benny to himself as he smiled and nodded professionally, waiting for the right moment to progress the consultation.