An outspoken critic of manual therapy has been scandalously outed as a client of a Remedial Massage Clinic. Physiotherapist, Neddy Neverrubit, 32, was seen attempting an inconspicuous exit from a Midtown Massage clinic early last week. Mr Neverrubit’s utilisation of massage services has raised eyebrows, given he forms part of a growing community of Physiotherapists, Exercise Physiologists, Chiropractors and Osteopaths who champion the cessation of passive care, particularly manual therapy, within the injury and pain rehabilitation clinical settings.

“Can you believe it?” exclaimed one of Mr Neverrubit’s Facebook enemies. “That bloody Neddy is forever calling for an end to manual therapy, and here he is treating himself to a 60min rub down… Unbelievable. I hope he wore earplugs to protect himself from any noceboic narrative being sent his way haha. I tell ya, I can’t stand all this endless handwringing over nocebo and treatment narratives. If you’re a real man clinician like me, it’s easy to feel when a Patient’s liver is mechanically restricted, or their T12 is missing three degrees of side-flexion. If you feel it, treat it. I don’t buy all this nocebo nonsense anyways. I mean, how can they say it’s ‘noceboic’ if all I’m doing is explaining what’s actually wrong with them? Bloody bleeding heart movement optimists”.

While fervent supporters of implausible and unfalsifiable manual therapy interventions remain baffled by the apparent hypocrisy of Mr Neverrubit’s actions, those opposed to passive care share a different perspective. Our reporter met with a spokesperson for the burgeoning grassroots movement known as the Active Care Alliance.

“Eliminating manual therapy is all about the community getting the most value out of a visit to a healthcare provider. It’s a waste of a resources to have a highly trained Physio massaging a Patient. If someone really wants a massage, we’re much better off sending them to a loosely qualified therapist at a day spa down the street. Let them use their limited resources and scratchy education to manage the risk of a deterioration of self-efficacy that consigns them to a lifelong dependency on passive care. We can focus one the ones who are open to active interventions. You know, now I think about it, the problem with these hands on clinicians is that they’re just too stupid and worthless to realise that they’re too smart and valuable to be doling out manual therapy”.